My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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