What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
