Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
