hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
