you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
