sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
