Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
