His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
