Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
