his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
