So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
