PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
