I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
