no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so let's talk penis.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I could fuck to npr.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
