If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize