I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
