My brain says no but my pants say off.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
