Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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