I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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