How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
