R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
