I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
