last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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