in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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