Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
