She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
