i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
