How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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