Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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