it hurts more in the daytime
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
