I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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