so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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