Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
