Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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