You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
