Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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