I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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