Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
