if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
