Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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