Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
