I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
