I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
