That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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