you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
