You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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