I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
