If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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