I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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