Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
