If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
