All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
