are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
