Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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