I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
