Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
