Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
