when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
