I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
