oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
