what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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