So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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