can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
