You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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