I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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