Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
