Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
