ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
