ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
