We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
