dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
