white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
