This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
