I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
