I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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