I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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