Define "chronic" masturbator.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
