Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
