I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
