im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
