In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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