I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
