Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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