is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
